Before the pandemic, a group of us stayed for lunch and canasta after we played golfed on Wednesdays. A couple of years ago, when I took over sending the emails out to see who would be playing, I tried to entice everyone to come with a little gentle humor. I started with just a poem: Roses are red, Violets are blue, Cards won’t be much fun, Without you.
Because of my cleverness and poetic genius, we got a decent turnout (canasta is more fun with a larger group), which emboldened me to do more. I started searching the internet for jokes relating to various holidays. Did you know there are several reasons to celebrate every single day of the year? For instance, today, August 23, is National Cuban Sandwich Day, National Cheap Flight Day, and National Sponge Cake Day. There’d be four or five National Days to celebrate, so I’d pick one, then search online for jokes. For instance, here are some jokes for National Sponge Cake Day:
I once knew an arrogant sponge cake. It was very self absorbed.
To make a Real sponge cake…borrow all the ingredients. (Get it. A play on words – you sponge off your neighbors. P.S. You know a joke stinks when you have to elbow your audience and say, “Get it?”)
Here’s a groaner: What did the sponge cake say to the sink? Water you doing?
Sometimes I just sent random jokes – like I’m going to do for you right now. Hope these give you a nice Sunday chuckle:
A lot of people cry when they cut an onion. I don’t know why they get so emotionally attached.
What do you call bears with no ears? B’s
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
What did one DNA strand say to the other? Do I look fat in these genes?
A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said, “Call for backup.”
What did the grape say when he was pinched? Nothing, but he gave a little wine.
What do you call a karate move done by a pig? A pork chop.
Two years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, and today I asked her to marry me. She said no on both occasions.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
They just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There’s no menu, they just give you what you deserve.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have? Big hands.
What did the man say when he walked into a bar? Ouch!
It’s me again. Some of you are probably saying “Ouch” because of these jokes.
One other thing I want to add. I went to online Mass today and our priest asked us to write a couple of sentences about what Jesus means to us. He’s a nice guy, even though he gives us homework each week. Something like, think about ways to help someone else, that kind of thing. He’s never told us to write anything, so I will do that now. What does Jesus mean to me? He’s my friend. Jesus is the one I thank when big and little things go well (like getting across the railroad tracks on my way to golf just before the bar goes down behind me). Thank you, Jesus. I would have missed my Tee-time. He’s also the one I talk to when I’ve hit a rough patch – when things aren’t going well and pile on. Oh, Lord, why does everything bad have to happen at one time? Please help me be strong. To me, Jesus is my best friend. He listens, and he loves me no matter how many stupid things I do, which is a lot. All the time.
Ahh. Homework’s done. Now my prayer for you is that you stay well and happy and that you get a nice belly laugh at least once today. Amen.