Boy did I get a deal yesterday! I don’t go shopping much because it means getting almost naked in front of a mirror that you can see your front and back sides practically at the same time. I live in a state of denial and refuse to believe that age and chocolate have taken their toll on me. But department store mirrors tell it like it is, and it’s a wonder I’m not still wearing hip hugger bell bottoms and a top made of shoelaces and a bandana. What do you mean, they don’t make bandanas that big??????

You are dying to find out about me standing semi-naked yesterday, and I don’t blame you. I would describe to you what I saw but I tried not to look. I made my fingers into one of those things like Spock does on Star Trek. He puts those first two fingers together and the other two – the little finger and the ring finger – also go together. The thumb stays out of it. Then you try to open and close these two pairs. It’s not easy at first, but you get the hang of it quick and then you’re looking at them opening and closing and start thinking about eating lobster.

Anyway, I used Spock’s hand trick to hold in front of my eyes so I only saw the clothes. And I never looked at the mirror in between outfits. Personally I like to keep a little mystery in my relationship with myself. It’s better to leave something to the imagination, and mine is working overtime trying to get Barbie to appear in place of that – that THING staring at me in the mirror.

But again, you didn’t come here to listen to one of the many tricks I use to make myself more lovable to me. You want to know about the great deal I got yesterday, so here it is.

I play golf in a 9-hole group and I am the official photographer for us ladies, which means they run when they see me coming because they are so sick of me taking their pictures constantly and putting them on the bulletin board. Truth be told, I Photoshop their wrinkles and warts and buggers away so they should be happy, but they’re not. Therefore I feel it is my duty, as representative of the creative arts, to try and not look like a ragamuffin. Especially yesterday when our group had invited ladies from several other 9-hole groups for a little tournament I did not want to be standing up at the luncheon with my tacky old clothes trying to make people smile. I needed a new golf skirt.

I went to a ladies golf shop near my house, and found a skirt for $84! That’s a lot for me to pay for a skirt or anything else. I didn’t pay that much for my first car. But it was so cute – the skirt! I wanted it so bad, but I hung it back on it’s hanger, tucked my tail, and got my cheap ass out of there before that skirt forced me to hand over my credit card. I found a not-nearly-as-cute-but-way-cheaper skirt at another store and snagged it. I wore it the next day and got lots of compliments.

Someone mentioned a sale at a sample store with racks of golf clothes 50% off. Whoo-wee! It just happened to be on my way home. I rushed over there and elbowed several elderly ladies out of my way on the sidewalk and found that $84 skirt, same exact one, for $13!!!!! And it was the only one left, and it was MY SIZE!!!

I didn’t buy it, though. I already had that other new skirt. How many new things does a girl need?

HA – of course I bought it! That’s my great deal, and I feel badly if you won’t be able to sleep after reading how exciting it all was. I just hope it stops raining long enough here so I can get a chance to wear it.