Suzanne Olsen's Humor Blog - I don't offend some of the people most of the time

Is It Too Loud in Here?

This evening I went to a Trailblazers basketball game and lost my hearing. Thank goodness it’s only temporary, but the ringing in my ears will last for days. I even use earplugs, but still the noise is amazing.

It’s no longer the roar of the crowd, it’s the roar of the sound system. They have it turned up so loud blaring out, “We will we will rock you,” with all the clapping and foot stomping that goes with it. And if the game gets close, lights flash all over the place with messages to, “MAKE MORE NOISE!” My gosh, the floor is shaking already, do the players really need us to turn it up a notch?

I’m not averse to noise. I’m a rock n’ roll kind of gal who likes to crank up the sound, but somehow the very loud concerts I’ve attended all my life have gotten louder. Doctors warn that kids are losing their hearing, but they’ve been saying that for years – even when I was a kid. But now the noise is so elevated I’m starting to believe them.

When the floor shakes in a huge building, I think it’s probably too loud in there.

Thank goodness we won the game at the last minute. I guess my desperate prayers begging, “Please Lord don’t let this game go into overtime,” were heard. I despise overtimes. They make the game last another twenty minutes and turn me into a nervous wreck. By the end of a regular game, I’m as exhausted as the players from all the noise, cheering, clapping, stomping, and searching for a concession stand that serves ice cream instead of yogurt. Not to mention climbing over seats to get in and out because there is barely enough room to keep you from hitting your knees on the seat in front of you when you’re sitting down, much else trying to walk in front of anyone else in your row. So I climb over the back of the seat because there’s no one in the row behind me, but I know I could fall and break a hip.

The one thing I really like about these basketball games is the mascot. His name is Blaze and he’s got a human body with a wolf’s head – I guess it’s a wolf, or some kind of giant animal. Anyway, he’s a pretty cool guy who can do flips on the trampoline and make baskets during commercial breaks, and he can dance. He struts around getting into mischief, coaxing people out on the court to dance with him and pose for pictures.

I also like the cheerleaders because they do flips and build very tall pyramids with guys holding them up by one hand. Every now and then a guy will get tired and drop one of the cheerleaders, which is entertaining. They all look wholesome, too, unlike the Blazer Dancers who look like tramps. My husband says that’s what’s so great about them. They are very professional looking, though, and dance well. They could all be strippers, which I guess is a compliment.

We won by three points after being behind all evening, so it was a great game, and I’m happy I went even though now I keep reaching for the telephone, but no one is on the other end.

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1 Comment

  1. It’s weird that both of us wrote about this game. Like, really weird.

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