We were going to the beach to celebrate my dog’s birthday – a tradition – but she’d been drinking a lot of water so I called the vet, who suspected an infection and asked me to bring in a urine sample. I followed my little dog around with a Tupperware container, bent over because she’s less than a foot tall, and entreated her to, “Go potty, go potty.”
She ignored me, too busy checking out the rib bones scattered all over the backyard. It looks like a cannibal picnic area. When my husband has ribs, he gives the bones to the dog – he thinks it makes her like him more. Everyone in this family competes to get the dog to hang out with them, but she alway chooses me.
Finally she squatted and I pushed the container between her legs and managed to get a few drops. We left the sample at the vet on the way to the beach. The vet said she’d run the test and call with the results later in the day.
Seaside is about an hour and a half drive, and we kept giving the dog lots of water because that’s what Google said to do for a bladder infection. We were almost there, laughing, the dog sitting on my lap, my daughter and her boyfriend happy about going to the beach, when I felt something warm.
Then everything went into slow motion – I experienced the feeling with a curious response (hmmm, wonder why the dog got warm all of a sudden….?), then I felt the sensation of warm liquid between my legs, and the horror of realizing that the dog had peed on me. Two gallons of doggie pee gushed out of the beast and ran between my legs before I had the presence of mind to grab a beach towel. Oh my gosh, I can’t tell you awful it felt.
Even worse – I didn’t have a change of clothes, nor did I have another driver’s seat to replace the one soaking up all that pee. I was literally sitting in a pee puddle.
When we got to Seaside a few minutes later, I traipsed in and out of the stores with a huge wet stain between my legs trying to find something to wear that didn’t have “SEASIDE” scrawled across the ass. It took me a good part of the day to find something I was willing to wear, to clean myself and the car using containers of baby wipes while I kept checking with the vet and finally got a dog prescription filled, and got the pill down the dog, all while my daughter and her boyfriend were off having fun.
On the way home, nobody wanted the dog on their lap, especially me. I bought another beach towel as insurance in the event of another accident and resigned myself to her being there. We stopped often to give her every chance to go somewhere besides on me.
I learned a lesson from the whole thing. It would be nice if I could remember it. Regardless, whenever you feel like life is getting you down or things aren’t going your way, just think about me getting peed on in my car and maybe that will lighten your heart. The reality is that if life throws pee on your crotch, you’re not alone, sweetie. You’re not alone.