I heard a comedian on the radio sing a song he’d written for his son who has ADD about a cowboy with ADD. The only part I can remember is the ADD cowboy says he’ll brand some of the cows but he won’t brand them all (I guess because of the ADD). I’m going to Google to see if I can find the rest of the lyrics because it was amusing.
Well, Google was no help. I came up will all kinds of lyrics but not for this song. BUT, I found something even more intriguing – an article about a Naked Cowboy.
You could see how this would distract me from my mission. There’s a cowboy whose claim to fame is belting out country western songs wearing nothing but a white cowboy had, white BVD’s (or whatever they’re called – those white underwear little boys wear and some grown men also wear because they apparently don’t own a mirror).
I like my men in boxers or nothing at all – and if they must be naked, the lights better be down low because the male body is much, much less attractive when it is all exposed. Leave THOSE PARTS to the imagination, please. I’m sure it’s the reason why natives are always pictured wearing a loincloth. Even Tarzan understood this. He went out and bought himself one of those triangle leopard cover-ups that are so popular in the jungle. Tarzan was no fool!
This naked cowboy, who is no Tarzan, is wearing BVD’s, cowboy hat and cowboy boots. But the article was about how he’s got his drawers all wadded up in a knot because a naked cowgirl is trying to hone in on his territory. She’s an ex-stripper who sings own version of songs like, “It’s My Party,” (“Tits My Party”) wearing a hat, boots, and a bikini.
The Naked Cowboy, like all astute businessmen, wants to protect his trademark, which is, uh, the Naked Cowboy. He’s fresh from negotiating a settlement with M&M’s because one of the M&M’s – I think it said the blue one – dressed up in cowboy boots and a hat and underwear and was playing a guitar – JUST LIKE the Naked Cowboy. The Naked Cowboy did not take kindly to this, and he and the blue M&M strutted out to the middle of Main Street. All the townsfolk of New York City ran off screaming to duck for cover when these two faced off, scowling because the strutting had given them both wedgies, but their hands were full of guitars so they couldn’t do anything about it. Fortunately, there wasn’t any bloodshed because lawyers crawled out of the woodwork waving their legal briefs and settled the matter in a professional and gentlemanly manner. They sued and countersued and counter countersued, ad infinitum until the judge rode them all out of town on a rail. (PS I’m taking a literary license here. I had to stand in line half the morning to get it, but it was worth it.)
Just when the Naked Cowboy had gotten his life back to normal, along comes this she-devil. The root o the problem appears to be money. The Naked Cowgirl wanted the Naked Cowboy to sing on a record she was making, but the Naked Cowboy wanted $5,000. The Naked Cowgirl did not have that kind of money. She claimed she was lucky to get a hundred bucks a day panhandling in traffic, and that’s on a good day, and only during part of the year because her work is seasonal. She also appeared to have issues with the Naked Cowboy’s hygiene, saying, and I quote, “When he wakes up, how does he know which way to put on his underwear? Yellow in front, brown in back.”
This mud slinging and catter-walling is probably going to continue until she can come up with the bucks to buy into the Naked Cowboy franchise. In the meantime, you can go to the link below and see a short video of her getting ready to perform in New York. She’s got on fishnet hose, an “Apache” bikini bottom (“rides ups behind you and wipes you out”) and a push-up bra or bikini top. She takes pains to make that bikini bottom reveal as much cheek as possible, and she’s bending completely over to pull on her boots. Now that’s talent!
I’ve got to wonder, how does a person decide on this particular career path? Does it require a degree? Are the benefits good? Do you get dental? What about the hours? How much paid vacation? Is there profit sharing? Retirement?
Or are you just wandering around in your underwear strumming a guitar and hoping some blind old man mistakes a twenty for a dollar? Who can say what drives people to pursue a life in show business?
It is a crazy world we live in, and maybe it’s better to be ADD. And who knows, one of these days maybe I’ll hear those lyrics again and be able to write the post I intended today.
FYI: To read the Naked Cowboy article and see the video, go here: